105 Word Hook!

Listening to: Pulley, “A Bad Reputation”

Okay, so I didn’t quite make it to 100 words. Pretty close, though, and the end result is a lot cleaner and simpler. I definitely have this article to thank–that example really spurred me on. Tia still beat me, though! 99 words–talk about rising to the challenge!

Feel free to leave any constructive criticism. I think it’s pretty close to done, but I’m sure I’ll be tweaking it all weekend.
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For Haley Malloy, the approaching summer should be all about boys, bikinis, and the beach. But when she and her little sister are invited to attend the Praesentia Summer Academy, where teenagers with genetically-bestowed superpowers learn how to use them, the bikinis and the beach get thrown out the window.

There will be no shortage of boys, though, as the powers are usually passed down to males. Despite her misgivings, Haley agrees to go.

She has no idea that before the summer’s over, she’ll fall in love, suffer her sister’s betrayal, and be called upon to save the entire Academy from one of its own.

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Something about the last sentence seems…abrupt, I guess. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

Comments: 2

 
 
 

105 isn’t bad! You could really tighten it up if you focus more on the central plot and less on the conflict. The Academy should only get one sentence. The thing that is going on at the Academy — that Haley must prevent or save — should, in my opinion, get the bulk of the hook.

 

 

The thing is, my last letter focused a great deal on the plot, and I think that’s why it failed. It’s hard–nay, nearly impossible–to effectively describe a plot in less than 100 words. Plots, by nature, are so damn convoluted. Once you explain one thing, there’s something else to explain so that the last thing makes sense. There are always more questions to answer.

Conflict, though, can be done fairly simply. Essentially, with this letter, I’m saying, “Girl vs. boys, girl vs. one particular boy, girl vs. herself (hinted at in 2nd sentence of 2nd paragraph)”. But jazzier, and with a few more specifics.

So, I’m gonna try highlighting the central conflict, and just hinting at the plot. I’m open for experimentation, lol =).

Maybe I should do a blog post about this. Tomorrow, I just might–today, I’m querying =).

 

 

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